Why do girls like guys that are so mean to them?  I used to be the kind of girl that believed that you could chose who you liked. If you didn’t want to like someone them you could stop yourself.  Up until last year I was right. I had successfully guarded my heart and stopped myself from falling for any boys. Silly boys, such a waste of Jessie’s Berzas’ precious time.  Yeah then it happened. You happened.  Your frickin smile. Your charming ways.  Such a great conversationalist you silly boy you.  How could I be so dumb?  How could I be so careless?  I fell for you last year.  I thought time would make these feeling go away.  I saw you not too long ago and the feelings were gone.  Yes!  I am over him.  But then…but now… Gosh you had to do it. You had to hug me and invade my bubble.  I don’t like touch for a reason. You had no idea. I ain’t blaming you.  Don’t touch me.  Don’t look at me. I don’t want to like you. I want to be your friend.  You are a great person.  Take that back. I thought you were.  Lately I don’t know.  That is how it has to be.  So you have to be mean to me?  Just like at the end of last year.  So now we are back to that.  It’s not fair. I’ve done nothing to you. I’ve done nothing to deserve this.  I don’t want to like you. I’ve done this a thousand times. I’ve made myself stop before. Why, why not now!!!???  Now more than ever I know you are wrong for me. I don’t need someone in my life. I don’t need someone like you in my life.

*****EDIT at 6:51pm*****
I wrote this in anger.  I was angry at myself for not being as disciplined as I used to be when it comes to boys.  I feel better now that I went for a run. Now upon reading this again, I almost want to make it a private entry but I decided to keep it this way.  So what if anyone can read it.  I am the realest person I know.  So what if he can read it.  I don’t care.  I don’t think it would change a thing about the situation.  So here I am…more open than I have ever been.


4 responses to “

  1. jessie b. youre such an amazing lady.. just enjoy life back on campus with the girls.. i dont know why we spend 90% of our time obsessing about guys who dont matter.. lets just have fun this semester..

  2. Interesting post…i feel u anyways in that area. Such is life. Be like me. Like everybody..and pray they all get hooked up.so u dont have to bother anymore..makes no sense rite?

  3. I so know what you mean. I am so upset that I can’t get over Jason right now and that the littlest things let me think about all of the good times we had. It is so hard and I am so tired of being hurt by guys, that it is sickening. Life is going good for the most part right now. I can’t believe that you wrote that. You are such an amazing person . You shock me more and more everytime I read your entries.  I wish you were here to talk to. I could sure use your advice right now on alot of issues. Well later. Love you lots.

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