I have no motivation to do anything else except expose my feelings to this internet community. I like to keep my thoughts in order so I will only write about one of the many subjects that has been on my mind lately.
I want to get my thoughts out about last Wednesday’s chapel service. For those of you not in the ORU community, that chapel was a bit different than any one I had ever experienced. Rodney Howard Brown from Tampa, Fl was the speaker. He preached a very simple message that left me somewhat disappointed, but still because of President Roberts introduction I stayed with the thoughts that this man has to be good. Chapel is normally over at noon. I however stayed until after 3. Classes were canceled for the remainder of the day. I used to think of myself as one of the most charismatic people I knew. My pastor back home is an ordained Pentecostal preacher. I love the charismatic church. One time I was talking to a friend who sometimes criticizes the charismatic church and he said something to me that meant a lot. After I told him a little about my church back home and how much I love it, he said, “I always criticize the church for the way they do things and then I meet someone whose life was changed because of the church.” So yea if the charismatic church is what I like the most, then why did I not like chapel? I mean sure it was OK for some, but what about the people it turned away? Gosh I just don’t know how I feel.
One would defiantly use the term “on fire for God” to describe our youth group. That included me. Now what kind of Christian am I? I would say I am a more laid back dignified Christian. Or am I? What about this: has my heart become harden? I think not, but what do I really know? I know more about the bible than I ever have before. I pray more than I ever have before. I give more and serve more than I ever have before. But what does it all mean, Basil (Austin powers, I had to throw that in)? I know that the things these people are experiencing are real because I have been there. Three years ago I would have said this service was amazing. Three years ago I would have been one of the ones laughing or crying or running. I would have done something. I would have felt something. Instead I did nothing. I felt nothing. What am I? What have I become? Where has my fire gone and how can I get it back?