Am I so wrong to lay down my pride and ask for forgiveness even though I know I did no wrong?  I don’t think it was wrong for me to take that step.  Was it hard?  Heck yea it was!  Now it’s over.  I did my part.  I got the vibe that I may have offended people and I had the power to fix the problem.  All it cost me was my pride.  I am not weak.  I am one of the strongest women I know.  I also think I am smart for trying to maintain peace.  Asking for forgiveness when I didn’t do wrong but may have been perceived that way was a huge step for me.  “Perception is reality”.  That is one of the most profound lessons I have learned in life.  People won’t respect me if they are offended by me.  And people don’t listen to people they don’t respect.                

     Leadership is something I have always ran away from.  Somehow my youth pastors saw beyond my “shy” mask.  They made me be a frickin’ leader and look at me now.  Here I am, having to stuff my feelings into some site in order to avoid others getting offended by my feelings.  A house divided cannot stand.  This house/wing is so divided that if we have a windstorm like the one tonight, we will all be down.  I suppose this entry makes no sense unless you live on the wing and know what’s been going down. 

      The bottom line here is I did not come to this university to be ungodly and separated within my own wing.  If I wanted to live with yelling, crying and fighting everyday them I would have stayed at home and saved myself $20.000 a year.  I am so sick of fighting and conflict.  That is all I have ever known.  I don’t want that to come out in me when I start my family.  So much frustration fills my mind.  I love these girls on this floor.  I see so much potential in them.  If only they could care enough about themselves to live up to their potential.  Unused potential would probably be my #2 pet peeve.  What is #1?  Ok well since you asked I will tell you.  My #1 pet peeve is girls who have low self-esteem and rely on boys to fill the void that only God should fulfill.  Those are not two separate issues, in my experience they have always gone hand in hand.  That’s another subject for another entry.  I guess I am done.


Well until the next time my feelings need releasing…… Adios Jessie


3 responses to “

  1. aw baby, I’m sorry that things are hard.  I’ve heard tiny bits of things that have been going on.  I’m sorry you have to deal with it, and you’re right you shouldn’t have to, but so is life.  If you feel the need we have space on Delta Tau, and I don’t think I’ve ever heard/seen a fight.  We’d love to have you!
    You are an amazing girl.  Stay strong.

  2. I really admire you for the courage it took to apologize despite the fact that it may not have been your fault. It really shows God at work in you because He hates dissension and wants us to live in peace. You rock Jessie
    ps– i am having way too much fun w/my speaker phone 🙂

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