So I have an online journel at livejournal.com and it is called jblives4god, just as this one is. I will basically post the same stuff.
This is my first entry on August 30th
So I am searching online and stumble across Sara’s live journal. This is a great idea. I too am going through camp withdraw’s. I cry every day as I listen to Switchfoot. I cannot help it. None of my friends understand, and I well I really don’t expect them to. How can they, they were not there. God I miss it so much. It was the most exhausting yet rewarding summer of my life. Rachel called me today. She will be a freshman this year. We talked for 10 minutes. I could not handle much more because I would have started to cry. Camp changed me. I would not have had it any other way. All the confrontations (my fault) were all worth it. God everything was worth it. I feel like a zombie. I am at school, yet my heart is in Germantown. My heart aches for what those kids may go back to. I miss them. How much longer do I have to feel this way? God make it stop. I want to be normal, whatever that is.
I am in Houston, TX. We got in about 5am. I slept until 3pm. So now I am up typing because I cannot sleep. We went bowling from 11-2am. Here are my really deep thoughts: Do I talk too much? I listen. I know I do. Sometimes I am like so incredibly quiet. Then someone (a good friend) will say I talk a lot. How can that ever be good? Ok so I guess I will go back to my old self that never said anything. What’s wrong with being yourself? My answer is everything if you don’t like who you have become. Now the question is do I like who I have become and can I live with this new me? I am not censoring this diary at all. I don’t care who reads it. This is what I have to keep telling myself. I want the real me to be seen. Um yeah whenever I discover the real me I will show it.
So this is for Oct. 11th “Pre-fall break”
Ok so I have so much to say that I think I will break this into two parts. Home life=great. For once in my life my family is going great. My youth leader David, always said “You are always in one of three positions: going into a trial, coming out of one or getting ready to go into another one.” I feel like these last two years have been one big trial. Now I am in the resting period and soon I will be getting ready to go back into battle because I signed up to go on a mission trip. My top three choices are Ukraine, Chile or Czech Republic. I arrived at those choices only after praying. I never would have thought to go to any of those places. I have to go through a long process and lots of work and $2,600 later I will be on my way. Pray for me if you can think about it.
A nice surprise came last Saturday in the form of a person. I am talking about Dale. I worked with him last summer at Camp Sonshine (shout out to Sara and Suzy, holler!). He came and invaded my life for a few hours. Right about now he should be in Florida with Sara. Seeing him made me miss camp so incredibly much more than I already have been. I was just getting over the sad stage and now I think about camp much more. Oh Dale is an amazing guy from England who is so great and adventurous. I just loved listening to his stories of Colorado (my favorite place ever) and snow. I, for once, did not do all the talking. We went on an adventure of looking for “the center of the universe”. It is not really the center, but quite a remarkable place nevertheless, so I’ve heard. Yeah so we never found it. It is a place in downtown Tulsa where you stand in a circle and something about an echo. That’s all I know, but I’ve heard its cool and when you’re from England and traveling in America almost anything is cool. Kind of reminds me of the time Katie, Dale and I went walking by the lake in Maryland. We took pictures with the ceramic dolphins and turtles. Great times at Camp Sonshine. God I miss it so much. I would do anything to go back. If you knew my situation then you would know that it would take a miracle for me to be able to go back. I try not to think about it and leave it to God’s hand because He is the miracle worker.
So this is what my fall break was like: I went “camping” last Sunday.. I put camping in quotes because we stayed in a cabin. It was raining and had no choice. I had to ride with this guy Ryan because it was a surprise birthday party for him and so we got so lost. The place is like 30 minutes away and it took 2 hours! I have never gotten that lost before. I did not even know this guy and it was so weird. Oh my then get this, are you ready? I hit a car! I was trying to move into the turning lane and I did not see her. I almost don’t want to admit this, but I am. I looked behind me I swear I did. It was dark pouring down raining, so I was being extra careful. So I hit her and we pulled over into the gas station. She was like nothing is wrong with my car, so why were you trying to get into that lane anyway? We told her and she gave us directions to the cabin. Wow that isn’t even the half of it.
I forgot to put my new insurance card in my car, so if the cops were called I would have been so screwed! God is so good. After we talked to the lady I was talking to God and was like thank you so much and praying in tongues. I know Ryan thought I was this crazy charisamaniac. That is an ORU term used to describe “charismatic maniacs.” So we finally made it to the cabin and they were like surprise. He was kinda mad at first because he thought I planned the whole thing. Overall the night went well. We played Catch Phase, Taboo and BS. I won in BS because I am that good. I did really well in Catch Phase of course because we only played it at every social gathering ever back in the youth group days. Speaking of…. I talked to Paul and Shelia today. They are gonna give me a recommendation to go on the mission trip. I cannot type any more. Why do I have an Internet journal? I hate to type. More to come when I am not so sleepy.